Ye Olde Pirate Season Origin Story

 

Mark Todd for the Los Angeles Times

How, exactly did Pirate Season come to be? Wonder no more as the full story has finally been told in the pages of the Los Angeles Times. During the darkest days of Pirate Season AW23 I strapped myself to the main mast, grabbed a quill from a passing gull, dipped it in  the darkest of inks and began to tell the tale.

My wife travels a lot for work, jetting off to cover fashion shows for several weeks at a stretch at least twice a year. I react to these extended-length absences the way any well-adjusted Angeleno husband might: I act like a pirate.

To be more precise, I celebrate what I call “pirate season,” a time-honored tradition that’s part bachelor party without the bachelor and part kids themed birthday party without the kids (or the birthday). It’s a tongue-in-cheek coping mechanism designed to buoy my spirits while we’re apart. (As a bonus, I’m pretty sure pirate season has improved our together time too.)

Its origins lie in the early aughts when my not-yet-wife, in her role as The Times’ fashion critic, started attending the twice-yearly, monthlong New York-to-Paris run of fashion weeks. When I mentioned to my co-worker Vince that I was suddenly facing four weeks of single-like solitude without a plan in place, he told me about a buddy of his.

“Whenever my friend Kai’s girlfriend goes out of town,” Vince said, “he hangs a pirate flag on his balcony, and people know they can come over and party.” --  excerpt from the full story which you can read here.

We're About to Round Pirate Season SS24's Cape of Despair

 

The Pirate flag of Bartholemew Roberts

Day 12 of the current voyage (Pirate Season SS24 for those keeping track) and the wind seems to have been at our back most of the time. The crew is understandably restless, especially since there are 15 days left until we reach port (or, to be more precise, port reaches us). 

Nevertheless, the halfway point is soon upon us and I expect repairs on the goode shippe to occupy most of the crew's attention until it's time to furl and stow the flag. 

Up to My Buccaneers in High-Seas Treachery!

Greybeard the Feckless is back for another pirate season, tho' 'ere was doubt t'would happen as it seems Pirate Season SS '08 (it be enumerated in a familiar fashion fer many of ye) required a bit 'o me talents elsewhere. I can't divulge where I was earnin;' me doubloons but let it go out upon the seas that ruffles are out and dandy pantaloons will be in for well-dressed scalawags fer spring. It seemed a harbinger of things to come when the movie playing upon my return was "Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At World's End."
Havin' cut into me quality time with the shipmates, this season sets sail this very eve with a short jaunt to Pirate's Dinner Adventure in Buena Park.
This will be followed by the official raising of the colors back at the good ship Maryland.

Invasion of the Girl Pirates

Pirate season drank to a close Friday, but not before the good ship Maryland was boarded by many a lady buccaneer (ladcaneer? bucanady?). Sure, there were a few guys (J Bones and Emili's spouse Jeremy and the tardy but eventually present Cor-dog) but they were so far outnumbered by the gals that several people noticed -- from the street before they even made it in the door.
We named a gnome, ordered pizza that took about a half hour a block to be delivered (and when it finally arrived the delivery guy all but threw the pies on the floor in a gesture of defeat) and trouted a wall (it looks like it came from straight on ...).
The bride returns Tuesday which means the flag has been furled and the rum keg stowed. Pirate season returns in the fall, but now you know what sort of treasure can be found at Kitchen Island.
Ahoy!

Fighting for VietGnome

Although the participation in the gnome-naming contest was much less than I'd hoped, a name WAS chosen. In honor of my former co-worker and giftor of the gnome (who will be the first to let you know she's Viet-born), the gnome's official name is Viet (as in Viet Gnome). Depending on the mood he will no doubt continue to be referred to as Gome Chomsky, Yermo or Josh Katz from Quiksilver.

In Case Ye Be Sailing Frisco Way

What happens when swashbuckling pirates crash beach blanket bingo? Find out.

Until There's a "Peanuts of the Carob Bean" ...

This flavor will have to serve as the official ice cream of Pirate Season. At least it isn't Spam-flavored.

Hoisting of the Main Sail

Outfitting of the good ship Maryland is proceeding smoothly. Yesterday, two hired hands boarded ship and equipped her with a new main sail in the ship's standard colors: stucco, blue and brown. The galley has been fully stocked thanks to donations from sister ships Masselin and Mansfield and the crew expects to take advantage of the inclement weather, trim the sails and embark for points east in six days' time.

Pirate Season's First Contest: Gname the Gnome

While my bride is trotting the globe, my feckless crew is stocking the good ship Maryland to the gunwales with trinkets and pirate eats. Heather (another lass without a proper pirate name as of yet) crossed my palm with a hearty chili (delivered in a stripedy Paul Smith bag no less) and Khanh the marauder (not her pirate name but it could be) offered up a garden gnome with beady little eyes that follow you like an old-man painting in "Scooby-Doo."
I am calling him "Deck Hand Ruddy" until he's properly named, and am launching a contest to find a suitable name. It needn't be piratey at all as he will be here during times the missus is on board, but I think his wily and clever nature demands an equally wily and clever name. Post your suggestions here as comments. Winner gets a bottle of rum from the pirate caves and bragging rights.

My own suggestion: Gnome Chomsky

Voyage to Kitchen Island

Pirate Season '07 got off to a jolly (Roger) good start, beta testing the new vessel (the Maryland) with a skeleton crew of Kathleen, Claire and Bones on board for Super Bowl XLI. No one has taken heed to choose their pirate name yet -- though Bones doesn't really need to. (How lucky is the Maryland to have crew member named "Bones"?) He reminds me of the guy in the "Pirates of the Caribbean" movies who was also on the original Brit version of "The Office" (he's the one who had his eye stolen by the undead monkey -- in the movie not the TV show. I don't think the show ever had an undead monkey though Ricky Gervais would have had a blast with that.)
The maiden voyage went without a hitch, Claire won the galley-ho award for going for feeding the crew with a host of retro fare (homemade Chex mix, meatballs served on pirate-like skewers and a fruit-filled Jell-O dessert that was pillaged heartily by the entire crew).
Incidentally there was some kind of game on the TV the whole time -- won by somebody named Colt. The best part was Prince fiddling with his instrument behind a shadow curtain during halftime. Sly devil that he is, proving that you can uphold the letter of the law for the FCC and still make it look like you're stroking your glyph in front of the whole world.
No word on the next voyage though the great desert island of Lost Wages looms.